A Strong, Sensible Lady

Betty Ford, a courageous lady, fought her battles in the public eye so as to give courage to others facing the same problems. She never hesitated to tackle the tough talk about subjects previously hidden and in the process she focused the country on important issues that needed attention. She was out-spoken and plain-spoken. She was proud of the fact that she was the first President's wife to be picketed by antifeminists. Hard to believe that this was just a little over thirty years ago.

Betty was thrilled to be First Lady. At the inauguration ceremony she said she felt she was taking the oath as well. "My God, what a job I have to do," she remarked. Early on she noted that the guards scattered throughout the White House would not respond when she spoke to them. She learned that they had been instructed by the previous administration not to speak to the President and First Lady. She quickly changed that rule and soon they were all chatting with each other and with the Fords. Beatle George Harrison remarked after having lunch at the White House that "I feel good vibes about this White House." Betty brought back song and dance to the White House, after the gloom of the Watergate years. She changed the rules and swept in a new era of simplicity. "Jerry and I are very ordinary people," she said, "who enjoy life and aren't overly impressed with ourselves."

In 1975, on the heels of the sexual revolution of the sixties, when the country was still reeling from the new mantra of "if it feels good do it", Betty appeared on "60 minutes". She answered Morley Safer's questions frankly, saying that although she did not approve of premarital sex, it might lower the divorce rate. In addition, she called the Supreme Court's ruling allowing abortion a "great, great decision." She admitted that if she found out her daughter was having an affair, she wouldn't be surprised, because after all she is a perfectly normal human being. These were shocking admissions at the time, but necessary. Betty was shining the light of reason on circumstances that were happening right under our noses, but we had not yet come to understand or accept. Deal with it, she was saying. A flood of angry letters hit the White House, but within a week the tone had changed. The mail and the polls showed Betty's rating higher than her husband's. Polster Lou Harris said, "Betty Ford has now become one of the most popular wives of a President to occupy the White House."

One day Betty was showing a friend around the White House. "This," she said, "is our bedroom and that is our bed. We are the first President and First Lady to share a bedroom in an awfully long time. To my great surprise, though, people have written me objecting to the idea of a President of the United States sleeping with his wife." Another day Mrs. Ford was showing actress Candace Bergen through the Oval Room. There was a winged gold figure there of a woman with a bowl on her head. Betty told Candace that originally the lady in the statute was holding a scroll, but it had long ago disappeared. So now, whenever she could get away with it, Betty would stick something in the statute's hand, usually a cigarette. Of course, the staff would remove it, but Betty got a kick out of the game. She wondered if they ever figured out who was doing it.

In 1974, the President hosted a dinner party honoring Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas. Vicki Carr, a popular Mexican-American singer was the entertainment. President Ford congratulated her after her performance and she invited him to her home for a Mexican dinner. "What Mexican dish do you like," Vicki Carr asked the President, "I like you," he said. Mrs. Ford overheard the exchange. "That woman", she said, " will never get into the White House again."

We will talk more about Betty Ford in later posts. In fact, we will visit all the First Ladies many times so stay tuned. And thanks for reading.

If it were only that easy.

New stories more often, I promise.

Recently my grandson's first grade teacher took a week off of school to get married. The room mothers organized a class party for her and asked each 6-year-old to give their teacher advice on how to be a good wife. Our little guy's suggestion was that she learn to make a really good meatloaf. Good advice, I think.



We think today that it is harder than ever to have a good marriage given the stresses of this crazy world. Certainly, stress isn't anything new. The high statistics of affairs outside of marriage tell the tale. Yet, affairs are nothing new either. Even our beloved George Washington fell for his best friend's wife, the beautiful Sally Fairfax. He retained an attachment for her the rest of his life, but he respected his marriage more. George, it seems, was an honorable man (don't we wish that was still around) who maintained his devotion to Martha all of his life. "Love is a mighty pretty thing," he wrote, but it "is too dainty a food to live on alone, and ought not to be considered further than as a necessary ingredient for that matrimonial happiness which results from a combination of causes; none of which are of greater importance than that the partner should have disposition, good sense, a good reputation, and financial means." (I especially like the financial means part) Old George got it right. Oh, if only it were that simple.

All records of the Washingtons reflect that they did indeed live happily ever after. But I think it had a lot to do with Martha's ability to "go with the flow". She saw what she could not change and she sought ways to turn the tides in favor of her husband. She traveled in 1775 to Massachusetts where she joined her husband at Cambridge. During the winter months she would travel to his camps and remain with him until the fighting began again in the Spring. She bolstered his spirits with her presence and her work with the other wives to make garments and patch shirts for the soldiers. She could have stayed home and been comfortable and safe, but she chose to be beside her husband.

When George was serving as President, she saw to it he retired each night by 9 PM. She was a homebody who avoided the ceremonies some wanted the first President to adopt as being too much like royalty. She wrote her niece, Mercy Warren, that she was "determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may be." She carried off her role with the same sense of duty as her husband.

After the Washingtons finally were able to return to Mount Vernon and enjoy retirement, Martha wrote her dear friend, Mrs. Knox, that "I am again fairly settled down to the pleasant duties of an old-fashioned Virginia house-keeper, steady as a clock, busy as a bee, and cheerful as a cricket." Not such a bad mantra for us today.

PS: The above picture of Martha Washington is the result when forensic anthropologists were asked to do a computerized age-regression portrait of her in her mid-20s.

Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/02/08/MN1A15LMKA.DTL#ixzz0NRSc3wBP

White House Glamour

Glamour and excitement...dashing about Washington behind four white horses, picnicking in the woods around Rock Creek, and presiding over an abundance of luncheons, dinners and elegant social occasions in the White House. This was the beautiful - and young - Julia Gardiner Tyler, second wife of President John Tyler. Julia, the daughter of Senator David Gardiner, was twenty-two when she met the newly widowed John Tyler, who was fifty-three. John was immediately taken with her breathless beauty and managed to kiss her on her second visit to the White House. Two weeks later he proposed! Julia responded in the fashion of the day, by crying "No,No,No", which really meant, it would be scandalous to say yes this early in our relationship...but don't stop asking.

The President continued his pursuit with flowery love letters. And then fate stepped in. Tyler invited Julia and her father to join other guests for a cruise on the Potomac River aboard the U.S. Navy's new steam frigate, Princeton. The frigate was equipped with a new cannon called the Peacemaker. The male guests gathered on the deck to watch a demonstration of the new cannon. It exploded, killing eight people, including Julia's father, as well as the secretaries of the Navy and State. Julia collapsed and John carried her ashore. A few months later, the couple slipped into a church in New York City and were married.

The new Mrs. Tyler recovered and became a popular Washington figure. She became interested in politics and frequently could be seen in the gallery at the House of Representatives. At a White House ball, she introduced the polka - considered a racy dance and previously forbidden in the White House. She solved the problem of having to wear mourning clothes due to the death of her father, by wearing black only in the daytime and white at night. Or she would combine the two colors by covering white with black lace. She loved ropes of pearls and a jewel on her forehead. Quite the flamboyant lady in 1844.

"Gentle" Lady

Lucy Webb Hayes, wife of Rutherford B. Hayes, became First Lady in 1877. She was thought to have a gentle and winning face compared by one writer of the era to a "Madonna". The writer wasn't too far off as Lucy gave birth to eight children, five of whom survived. Lucy swam with the sharks as Washington was at the time full of critics who focused on the pretensions and extravagances of Washington society. But she kept her simple ways about her and was praised for her quiet dignity and ladylike simplicity. She did not dress ostentatiously, nor did she frizz her hair or powder her face, as was in fashion at the time. Still, Lucy had her critics.

The wife of Maine Senator James G. Blaine, Harriet Blaine, directed her frustrations with President Hayes toward Lucy. It seems the President was not taking Senator Blaine's advice and Mrs. Blaine resented him for it. So she took up a campaign of ugly rumors against Mrs. Hayes. She told everyone who would listen that the White House was dirty and that Lucy traveled with the President to keep people from insulting him.



As only luck would have it, Mrs. Hayes was inadvertently seated next to Mrs. Blaine at a concert. Mrs. Blaine huffed and puffed and moved to another seat. Lucy turned to a friend who had accompanied her, and said in a loud whisper, "Who was that stout old woman in purple?" So much for Mrs. Blaine. Right on, LUCY.

On their inaugural evening, the President and Mrs. Hayes were faced with a large number of overnight guests, all of whom were distinquished, some even royalty. Lucy had them draw straws for who got the State bedroom, considered the best. Lucy's tact was more noticed than the fancy furnishings of the White House on that occasion.

President Grover Cleveland was a bachelor when he took office in 1884. His sister, Libbie Cleveland, acted as his hostess. Libbie invited Mrs. Oscar Folsom and her twenty-one-year-old daughter, Frances, to the White House. President Cleveland fell for young Frances, and after she finished school and while the gossips were still focusing on her mother as a potential First Lady, Frances won the President's heart.
Some years later, young Mrs. Cleveland visited an island off Maine, where she became enchanted by the antique furniture available there. Upon her return to the White House, a van filled with antiques pulled up to the White house. "What the hell have you got there?" asked the President. "Old furniture for Mrs. Cleveland from somewhere in Maine," said the mover. Cleveland inspected the pile of old chairs, bureaus, desks and beds and said to the mover, "You turn around and take that damn kindling pile back downtown." The mover left with the load of old furniture and the President forgot about it.

Two weeks later the President was gone from the White House for the day and upon his return he noticed a chair that looked familiar. He asked his wife, "where'd you get that" Where'd it come from?" "That?" she said, "why, we've always had that. We've had that for years." Cleveland grumbled and dismissed it.

A few days later, the President was again gone for the day and upon his return another new "old" chair appeared. "Where'd that come from?" he asked his wife once again. "Oh," said Frances, "that old chair? we got it out of the attic, we've had that for a long time." In the spare bedroom, the President saw a "new" bed, shiny and polished. And then he remembered where he had seen these pieces before - on the kindling pile he sent away a few weeks earlier. Within six months, Mrs. Cleveland managed to slip every single piece of her treasured antiques from Maine into the White House without tipping her hand to the President.

Jackie Kennedy was known for refurbishing the White House with furnishings which had been there in previous administrations. Having been shocked by the poverty in the coal-mining areas, she set about to buy new White House crystal from the Morgantown Glassware Guild, Inc. in West Virginia. Later, a well-known manufacturer of glassware offered to donate a complete set of crystal to the White House, but Mrs. Kennedy refused saying that she would continue to purchase glassware from West Virginia until they weren't poor anymore. I saw her stemware at the JFK Library in Boston. It is beautifully simple and clean. Classic in the most elegant way, as was Mrs. Kennedy.

Some Things Never Change

Recently a school district in my state was considering giving students 40% credit for work not done. The idea was to encourage kids to stay in school by giving them a second chance at getting the work done. Of course, there has been some public outcry about the dangers of getting credit for work not completed. Will they get paid by employers for work not done? We all have worked with those who do little and take home big checks – it happens. Doesn’t mean we want to reward kids for being slackers.

Some of us are old enough to remember when you got one chance to do your school work and if it wasn’t done on time you lost out. And when you didn’t get what you wanted just because you wanted it. Remember Margaret Truman, Harry’s daughter. Margaret, who parents paid dearly for years of music lessons, made her singing debut in 1947. She received pay for her performance of $1,500.
While shopping with her mother, First Lady Bess Truman, Margaret decided to treat herself and buy a mink scarf. Picking out the best one in the store, she told the saleslady to charge it to her mother, whereupon Bess firmly said “Oh no you don’t, you bought it, you pay for it. You’re working now.” *

First Ladies through the ages have had the same problems keeping their children on the straight path as we do today, but they had stronger cultural and religious values to help them out. Abigail Adams had trouble with her son, Thomas, who was a good student and made his parents very proud by becoming a lawyer in the family tradition. His first case, however, was to defend the owners of the local brothel. Abigail must have wrung her hands over Thomas’ decision to make this his first case. In addition, Thomas flatly refused to wear a wig or powdered hair, as required by the “Establishment”. Sort of reminiscent of the hair wars of the sixties, isn’t it? Some things never change.**

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*Boller, Paul F., Jr., Presidential Wives, 1988, page 326

**Truman, Margaret, First Ladies, 1995, page 94

Stock the White House Kitchen Well

Happy 233rd birthday, America! Fourth of July is here with its hamburgers, potato salad and fireworks.
But some towns have eliminated the fireworks this year due to the tough financial times. Mary Todd Lincoln ran into the same problem when she was planning to entertain the Count de Paris and the Count de Chambord at the White House in 1862. Mrs. Lincoln was trying to economize at the time and insisted the government pay for the dinner. But Secretary of State Seward refused to agree. A mountain of manure for the White House lawn had just been delivered, so Mrs. Lincoln simply sold it and used the proceeds to pay for the dinner. *

While we are talking about food (excluding the manure) , it seems on the first day the Nixons occupied the White House, the dinner order for the President, Tricia, Julie and David (Julie’s husband) was steak. And for Mrs. Nixon a bowl of cottage cheese. Now the staff, ever anxious to please, had researched the Nixon’s preferences and stocked the kitchen with absolutely everything EXCEPT cottage cheese. It being Inauguration Day in Washington DC few stores were open. Chief Usher J.B.West jumped in a limousine and scoured the town until he found a delicatessen that was open and had plenty of cottage cheese. From then on, cottage cheese became a staple in the White House kitchen. **

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*Boller, Paul F. Jr., Presidential Wives, an Anecdotal History, 1988, page 123

***Boller, Paul F. Jr., Presidential Wives, an Anecdotal History, 1988, page 415